Wildflower Express Drip

the mysticism of bike rides & good tunes

reflecting on creative burnout, and looking forward to 50/90

Sat, 29 Jun 2024 15:54:00 CDT

it just occured to me today that the fifty-ninety challenge (50/90) is almost upon us! it really did sneak up on me this year!

50/90 is an online songwriting community, & the sister-project to FAWM (February Album Writing Month). it is an invitation for songwriters around the world to try their hand at writing 50 songs in 90 days (july 4th through october 1st). you don't have to actually write that many songs, or even attempt such a feat of course. the real goal is to get the creative juices flowing -- to inspire you to make something.

for the better part of a decade (~2013-2023), i wrote a lot of music, all the time, at a break-neck pace. the vast majority of it is still out there on the internet, under various aliases, mostly on bandcamp.

challenges like FAWM & 50/90, which i've been participating in since 2016, were like jet-fuel for my developing creative brain. in 2021 for instance, i spent the month of february creating four albums of new music. it was fun. it was exhausting. i will never do that again. i'm also kinda nostalgic for that era, and i'm proud of much of that music.

needless to say, i was overdue for a burnout. in november of 2023, i put out an album that i quite frankly didn't have the motivation to complete. while i don't think it's a bad album per-say, the burnout i felt while making it has definitely soured my opinion of it, and i'm much less inclined to return to it than more inspired albums i've made.

i took a short break from writing music, hoping to feel a bit more refreshed for fawm in february 2024. however, i made the mistake of telling myself i would write 14 songs in 28 days, per the format of the challenge, which i had successfully completed in years past. it didn't go as planned. i had a lot of momentum in the beginning week of the challenge to write some really good songs, but i could not reasonably sustain the pace required to complete 14 songs in the month; i just didn't have it in me this year. i threw in the towel after 10 songs, and i took another break from writing music.

it's worth mentioning here that when i started putting music online circa ~2013, i was literally 13. while i had some responsibilities back then (mostly homework, which i endlessly procrastinated on), i had a lot of free time to invest into making music, and strengthening my creative muscle. i wouldn't be diagnosed with autism for another two years, but neurodivergence undoubtedly allowed me to hyper-fixate on music production, enabling the aforementioned large output & breakneck-pace of my creative work.

fast forward to september 2023: i'm 23 years old, just moved into my first apartment, & i have a full-time dayjob that i don't hate, with co-workers i quite enjoy. by all accounts, life is going pretty well, but it also means i have a lot more on my plate. trying to create music at the same pace i did when i was 13 just isn't sustainable anymore, and i needed to learn that the hard way.

ok, now bring it back to the present moment. i know, we're time-travelling a lot, but bare with me. since march 2024, i've only really worked on a handful of songs, and i'm ok with that. i get a lot of joy from just playing keys for the heck of it, and it feels good to not be actively producing new music. the new song ideas i've started during this time have been coming organically from this free-flowing, music-for-its-own-sake process, and are some of the best songs i've written in a long time (or at least, they will be, when the moment is right to finish them; let it simmer).

looking ahead to 50/90, i'm feeling cautiously optimistic. it will be fun to earnestly get back into songwriting again, and the 50/90 community is an incredibly awesome thing to be a part of! but i also know that i need to approach this year's challenge with intention and mindfulness. that means striking when the creative iron is hot, and then laying off the gas on days when i'm really not feeling it. i need to pace myself, and prioritize quality of fun over quantity of songs.

it's also important to me that my participation in 50/90 doesn't cut too substantially into my other hobbies. since may, i've really gotten into long-distance cycling, and it just feels really good to be moving about in the wisconsin sunshine (eventually, i will write an essay comparing cycling to jazz music, but that's for another day). i've also been doing a lot more reading lately (well, mostly audiobook listening, but that still counts imho), and i've actually been enthused to do some deep learning for the first time in a long time.

anyhoo, thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings on creative burnout & songwriting challenges. you should check out 50/90, it's really hecking cool! you might even find me on there! happy musicking!

new beginnings

Sun, 23 Jun 2024 13:47:00 CDT

i was in a discord call w/ some good friends of mine last night, & we got around to talking about neocities.

i've been meaning for a while now (years) to start actively maintaining a personal website again, but i've always found one reason or another that i was "too busy" to even start on such a project.

presently, i've been slowing down how much music i'm composing/producing, in order to find the joy in simply playing keys for the love of it, without feeling the pressure to turn it into content. as a result, i've left open much more free time for other hobbies, such as cycling and reading, and now, running this lil blog on the internet!

combining this newfound creative flexibility with the aforementioned discord call was just the jolt of inspiration i needed to get this project off the ground. welcome to "Wildflower Express Drip"!

i came up with the name about a year ago while on a bike ride, & i've been meaning to put it to good use eventually... so now i have. Wildflower Express Drip is my multimedia hobby project, through which i can freely dip my toes into music, visual art, writing, photography, and whatever other medium suits my fancy at a given moment. all original works shared here will be DRM-free and creative commons, becoz i fancy myself to be a """chill human""", whatever that means.

i'm starting myself off with the low-pressure goal of posting once every-other week. it's the shortest duration i can maintain without burning myself out or running out of meaningful things to share. but i might post more frequently than that if the mood strikes, i just don't wanna hold myself to it lmao.

i thank you for reading today's post, & i hope you'll consider joining me for many more in the future! enjoy!